Sunday, December 04, 2005

I still exist. Sort of.

So all that stuff I have to do to pay the rent and the bills and for my internet connection rose up and chomped a big raw mouthful of my ass. Hence, fewer delightful morsels of trivia posted here over the past few days. But now I’m back. With nothing to say. Getting old and boring sucks ass.

I think I’ve gotten to the point now where I don’t really want stuff anymore. I can’t think of what I’d ask for for Christmas. What I really wish someone could give me would be a whole shitload of time: I wish someone could charge up days and days on a gift card, buy a cutesy greeting card to go along with it, and drop that in my stocking.

What would I do with all the bonus time? I would buy turntables and finally learn how to match up beats in the dark with just one side of the headphones to my head. I would perfect my mid-range jumpshot. I would finish all thirty books I listed in the “Books to Read This Summer” section of my journal. I would try to become fluent in Japanese, Bengali, and Spanish. I would start learning Vietnamese in earnest. I would write the most fantastic blog entries ever, drive traffic up to my site to dizzy new heights, write a best-selling novel about my adventures, play myself in the tv-miniseries, and retire my ass to Mexico. I would write my representatives. I would volunteer. I would cook a lot more. I would read three newspapers a day. I would play soccer every day. I would pump iron and get huge. I would relearn how to play the saxophone. I would watch C-Span. I would call my family. I would travel with Mrs. Octopus. I would perfect my homemade smoothies. And I would write many more letters to my friends.

But, shit, I have to go to sleep and go to work early. Maybe in the next life.


HH said...

you've already perfected your smoothies! so you should just set up shop, beat robeks and jamba juice with your own fruit smoothie empire, starting with a stand on your porch. the kids across the street will eat it up! then you can stay home all day! hire the kids to work for you since people like buying stuff from cute kids (child labor laws?! no one really pays attention to that). and kids love to be "behind the scenes" so they'd be happy to do it. time will soon be yours. :)

Octopus Grigori said...

This list is very revealing. I wrote it in a flash, as one can tell from the maniacal repetition. But the two things I wanted to perfect, apparently, were my smoothies and my mid-range jumpshot. I think you are right that one of these is more potentially lucrative at this point in my career.

How do you know about the kids loving to be "behind the scenes"? Other people aren't supposed to know these things.

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