I am seriously wondering if this is all worth it. What's the point?
I am closing my eyes right now and imagining the future. As soon as I write these words, they fall into the past. At some point, not long from now, I will be riding the 81 in the morning light again, going to work with no anxiety, riding home at a decent hour. The time between now and then will pass, and when I am on the 81, all the pain and horror of these past weeks will be a distant memory. The time will have been like nothing.
Or, I could end up working to death. We'll see.